Lunachick (tylerdurden521) wrote,
Lunachick
tylerdurden521

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RNC and other madness

lots of stuff seems to be happening at a faster and faster pace... i left sabrina a voicemail message today that was probably the worst happy birthday voicemail ever... but i did what i could... i didn't really know what i wanted to say to her... so i mumbled and hung up...
michele is currently upset with me... what else is new... i can't seem to stay out of her doghouse... sometimes i think it would be much easier to just sever all ties... but i just don't know how to go about that... at least i don't know how to go about it without coming out of it looking like a complete bitch... feeling like a bitch... i just don't know what to do about her... it's not a major issue in my life at all, just something i wish i could bring to some type of level resolved ground...
work is going well in monetary ways, but the stress is going to be pretty intense in the next year... starting in the next couple of months i have a lot of learning to do and not one of the best (to say the least) teachers to learn from... but i will deal with it the best i can and do what i can to keep things running as smoothly as possible... and who knows what time has in store... one day at a time right!?!?!
i was angry when i left kris's last night... for no good reason really, just mad at myself i suppose... for not being able to figure out what it is that i really feel for her or want out of our relationship... clearly it's not that i want to be with her... maybe i'm just envious of who she is and her confidence... i'm trying to figure out if i'm in love with the idea of who she is, or what... it's rather bothersome...
then there is cy... she's really cool... we've only been chatting online, not even on the phone... going really slowly and getting to know each other pretty well... we think the same way about a lot of things, although not everything... she's got the scientist perspective which is great to experience... almost like two opposite platforms that keep meeting up down all of these different paths... it's pretty cool... (cool, can't i think of something more intelligent)...
what else is going on... hmmm....
shannon is pretty much a lost cause i think... she says she wants to maintain a friendship but makes pretty close to no effort (sounds like me)... guess i should take the hint...
everything comes back to you right.... i know it well...
another reason why i nipped the caren thing in the bud... i don't need to be involved with anymore conditional unattached encounters... enough is enough...
i saw some commercial last night where you see this teenage boy mouth the words "i love you" to his girlfriend... and i just went... "awwww" and that's when i knew for sure.... that's what i want the most right now.... to feel the urge to say i love you to one woman and that woman feeling the exact same way to me... i miss love...
not to the point of depression, but i just miss it... i think i'm coming to a point in my life where i am just about ready to allow myself to be loved again and for me to love someone else...
and on that note.... i think it's time to catch some z's...
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